Q: Why do you not believe that other people’s minds exist?
A: It’s quite simple, really. I can be quite certain of my own existence – it’s the whole “I think, therefore I am” thing. But as for the existence of other minds, well, that’s a much trickier thing to prove. I can see that there are these funny-looking things that walk around and talk to me and generally do things that would indicate that they have minds like me, but I can’t really be sure. There’s nothing to distinguish my econ professor, for instance, from a robot that could pass the Turing test. Just because people act like they have minds doesn’t mean that they aren’t basically just machines responding to stimuli.
Q: But can’t you look in someone’s eyes when they’re hurting and see that they really feel that pain?
A: Furbies could make some pretty convincing displays of pain. People are just really complex Furbies.
-I feel like that’s new for you… Being apathetic towards life. Maybe you just need to go somewhere new and experience change. Be excited again.
"I don’t think it has to do with needing something new. I’m setting up to do things I really want to do here. I eventually want to branch out, but not at this moment. I’m apathetic toward my life because of people… Lack of people. Lack of true friendship in my life. Lack of understanding. Lack of trust. Lack of inspiring, motivating, and creative people. I don’t think that I am better than people, I think that I am different from them. I am not better I am just on a different level of thought. I’m operating differently. I have higher expectations. I desire more honesty. I value more loyalty. The people around me settle for what’s around them and they’re happy that way. They don’t mind being surrounded by friends they can’t trust or friends who honestly just don’t care. They don’t mind the constant irresponsibility… They don’t mind the lack of stability… They don’t mind the shared relationships and ex-relationshis because they are content in thinking that’s just how the world works. That’s fine for them. It doesn’t mean I’m better or think I’m better I am just different because I recognize that the world isn’t this way… THIS world is this way. I have figured out how to operate in this world without being just like them because I just don’t want to be what they are and I don’t want their version of happiness. So, really I’m apathetic because I live in my own version of the world here. No one else is in that world with me so everything outside of it is just noise. What I’m doing in my own world and in my own head is creating, reaching, and believing in things outside of these people. My passion is a combination of both humanities and art. Studying people is like breathing for me… But only when I am inspired… Impressed… Or empathetic with those people… This PLACE has nothing to do with it. This is a city like every other city in the world… With people in it. That’s it. It’s how you THINK.. It’s what you DO… It’s who you CHOOSE to be that makes a difference… Not where you are… I sit in my room in my world and I write about things that I wish would happen or I conceptualize could happen. I read about things and people who exist in the world who are phenomenal. I watch documentaries about the lives of people who are absolute heroes in their own worlds. I go to work and I try to put art in every single thing that I do. I’m fine in that zone. In my world. Then I leave my world and I step out into the environment around me and just am bored. The same people with the same words and the same stories and the same bullshit. Over and over and over on repeat. And I honestly just don’t care. That’s it. I just don’t care anymore."
- You seem to love everything and everyone.
Actually… I can’t stand most things or people. I just choose to fill my life with what I love and only invest myself into things I love. I chose my job because I love what I do. I chose my closest friends because I love them as people. I choose to live here because I love this house. I love my girlfriend. I love my dog. I love the movies and the books on my shelves. I love how I spend my time. I even love the way I struggle because I love the reason I’m struggling. Isn’t that the point of having your own life and the ability to choose? So that you can fill it with what you love? I ignore and let go of the rest. The rest is meaningless. It took me a long time and a lot of loss to learn that. My advice is to learn that quicker than I did.
When your world falls apart… Take the time to realize how small it was and how small it kept you… Then go live in a bigger one… And grow…
An apology I should give… and would dread to receive.
To all the people who opened their arms and heart and beds to me, the ones who trembled late nights just to spit out the three words they had been waiting so long to say, who held on too tight and always searched for the happy endings that my insincerity seemed to spin into a dizzy reality for…
It was somewhere around 3:30 am and it was wet outside. We were parked on the side of the street in front of my house because it felt less bad that way. She was in the driver’s seat and my head was in her lap. She continuously ran her fingers through my hair and it made me smile.
"I thought you didn’t like fingernails."
-I thought you didn’t like girls.
"I don’t know what I like anymore."
-From what I saw tonight… boys with tattoos and long hair who sing in bands that yell a lot…
"I’m tired of it though. I love it and I’m tired of it at the same time. I don’t want to do it anymore. They are all the same."
-Then there is me.
She put her finger on my forehead.
"… And then there is this thing."